


Apology

by Candycorn33



Series: ATEEZ and Their Midnight Coffee Race [11]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Cuddling & Snuggling, Insecurity, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Pack Cuddles, Polyamorous Pack, Polyamory, Showers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25934206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candycorn33/pseuds/Candycorn33
Summary: San decides to tell his boyfriends about his insecurities after a talk with his friend.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Song Mingi, Jeong Yunho/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Jung Wooyoung/Song Mingi
Series: ATEEZ and Their Midnight Coffee Race [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681393
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Apology

San is swinging his legs back and forth, drinking his milk tea while scrolling down his feed. San knows that he fucked up, he fucked up big time and he is trying to come up with an apology that shows just how sorry he truly is. San never meant to hurt Wooyoung, Yunho nor Mingi, he never meant to say such horrible thing, because he knows that neither of them will do something to him that he doesn´t want to give explicit consent to, but at that moment, he was scared and he didn´t know how to react as it was the full moon and he had been tired and so caught up in his own thoughts, that he ended up saying something horrible.   
“Hey” Leedo says filming the two.   
“Hey” San says looking at the other feline and waving at the camera.  
“What´s wrong?” Leedo asks, sitting down besides San, turning the camera off as he can sense that there are things going on that San probably doesn´t want to be filmed.  
San doesn´t know a lot of other influencers that he likes, but he likes Leedo, the two having hit it of immediately. They met through Mingi and Hwanwoong and have been friends ever since even having done some collabs.   
“Not much” San says, not wanting to admit his embarrassment.   
“What did you do this time?” Leedo asks and San rolls his eyes.  
“I eh…you see…it is a not so funny story…. But eh….IendedupsayingthatYunho,MingiandWooyoungwasgoingtorapeme” San says the last sentence so fast that Leedo makes a phew sound as if he just ran a marathon.  
“Okay so you were an idiot” Leedo says and San sighs.  
“Yes, yes I was” San says and Leedo hums.  
“Tell them how you felt and apologies and then tell them how you are feeling now” Leedo says and San slams his head against the table.  
“No can´t do” San says.  
“Why not? You except honesty from then” Leedo says and San looks up at him.  
“That is entirely different” San says.  
“No it is not, you are just an idiot” Leedo says and San shows his canines to Leedo.  
“If you want them to understand you then you have to tell them. Neither of them expects you to be perfect, but for your relationship to work out then you need to communicate” Leedo says.  
“Says the guy who turns into a tomato the second the ever-beautiful omega Hwanwoong and or ethereal beta Keonhee steps into the room” San says and Leedo blushes.  
“I communicate with them” Leedo defends.  
“No you stutter and blushes and makes weird sounds” San says and Leedo slaps San´s arm.  
“We are talking about you here” Leedo says and San chuckles.  
“I think you are much more interesting to talk about” San says and Leedo shakes his head, cheeks red.  
“San you need to talk to them, things are only going to get worse”   
“I know, but I don´t know how to tell them” San says, his head hanging low.  
“Have you even told them about not being ready for sex?” Leedo asks and San shakes his head.  
“Not directly no. They are just, they are so attractive and good at it and I don´t see know I can fit in” San says and Leedo nods.  
“They have all been where you are San, they weren’t exactly having sex before they were born” Leedo says and San face palms.  
“No! But no one expected them to, people my age, usually have sex and has had it, a lot of it even” San says and Leedo shrugs.  
“You know that is not always true, yes most people have, but there are people who hasn´t and those three loves you for who you are so maybe you should just trust them with who you are” Leedo says and San bites his lip.  
“I hate how right you are” San says and Leedo shrugs.  
“True, it is a gift to be as clever as I” Leedo says and San rolls his eyes.  
“Whatever makes you sleep at night” San says.  
“Clearly something you haven´t been doing lately” Leedo says and San sighs, laying across the table.  
“My mind won’t let me” San says pouting.  
“Because you need to talk to them” Leedo says.  
“I know, but how. I don´t even know myself, I´m scared I am not going to be good enough but like I want to be fucked against the wall or handcuffed to the bed at the same time” San says and Leedo nods, trying to act all nonchalant.   
“So fuck them against the wall. Everyone is nervous the first couple of time it is natural” Leedo says.  
“But everyone doesn´t have three extremely out of this world attractive and fucking amazing boyfriends” San says.  
“No, but those three boyfriends of yours are also extremely soft and totally whipped for you, willing to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable” Leedo says.  
“Maybe not so much anymore” San says with tears in his eyes.  
“Don´t worry, they still love you to the moon and beyond, but you need to talk to them and when you are ready or maybe before, when you are comfortable enough with them, have sex with them” Leedo says and San hums.  
“Yeah, want to go shopping?” San asks and Leedo chuckles.  
“Sure” Leedo says and the two go, making sure to film things for their channels.   
\--  
San fiddles with his fingers, looking at the things he has bought. He knew he shouldn´t have let Leedo course him into it but the alpha can be rather persuasive, having a rather smooth tongue.   
“What ya got?” Yeosang and Jongho asks, walking into San´s room and San screeches jumping up and trying to hide the backs.  
“Just some clothes” San says and the two wolves look at each other before they attack San, trying to get bags away from him to see what is inside.  
Jongho holds San while Yeosang snatches the bags and San turns beet red as Yeosang looks at the clothes and the lingerie.  
“And here I thought Mingi was the only one who likes feminine things” Yeosang says and San´s head hangs low.  
“Leedo made me buy it” San defends and Yeosang shrugs.  
“The man obviously knows what he is talking about” Jongho says and San screeches again, trying to get out of Jongho´s arms and run away and hide from the embarrassment.  
“Why are you embarrassed?” Yeosang asks looking at San.  
“Well I, it is rather, eh…..” San trails off unsure of what to say.  
“Where did you buy it, I might consider buying something, they seem to be made from a pretty good material?” Yeosang asks sitting down and he doesn´t only get a reaction from San but also Jongho who turns red as he imagines Yeosang in lingerie, oh he really likes that image, like a lot.  
“At Diamonds & Silk” San says and Yeosang hums.  
“So you want to wear it for yourself or the trio?” Yeosang asks and Jongho lets San go, the younger having a little problem of his own from imagining Yeosang in lingerie.  
“I´m going to the gym” Jongho says and hurries out of the door, Yeosang smirking at Jongho, San too caught up by his embarrassment to notice what is going on.  
“Going to answer my question?” Yeosang asks leaning back on the bed and San sighs, sitting down besides Yeosang.   
“Well yes, it was kind of for them, but also for me to feel more… I don´t know sexy or seductive, because I don´t feel like my body is that” San says and Yeosang nods.  
“Well I would say to feel comfortable in yourself before anything else, but I can understand where you are coming from” Yeosang says and San nods.  
“But I don´t know how to do it” San says and Yeosang nods.  
“I don´t think anyone really does until they have tried it out. I think you can come to terms with doing it because you want to share the moment with the one or those who you love, maybe because you are comfortable or so on. I can´t tell you how to feel when you are ready, but I think that when you feel like you want to do it with them, because you want to do it for whatever reason that is” Yeosang says and San nods.  
“But the embarrassment?” San says and Yeosang shrugs.  
“It is only embarrassing If you make it embarrassing” Yeosang says and San bites his lip.  
“How do I not do that?” San asks and Yeosang laughs.  
“Don´t know, sex isn´t exactly perfect and just hot and steamy sex where you are so lost in each other that you feel nothing but lust. Let´s face it, sex can be awkward, disgusting, sweaty, funny, enjoyable even full of lust and anger, but everyone has to start somewhere and if your first time is awkward and a laugh here and there then that is just fine too” Yeosang says and San nods.  
“Thank you” San says and Yeosang smiles.  
“Good now, show me those outfits before your boyfriends come in and beat my ass for seeing your body before they do” Yeosang says and San slaps him before stumbling up to get dressed.   
Yeosang leans back on the bed and goes through his phone as San changes. For outsiders it would probably be weird to see and alpha and an omega be friends like Yeosang is with the pack omega´s, but Yeosang doesn´t really care. He is extremely calm for an alpha and he often finds himself getting annoyed by other alphas, especially arrogant loud asses who thinks that being an alpha male somehow makes you superior than others, which also leads to Yeosang enjoying watching San push, kick, drag alphas´ down from their high horses.   
San enjoys Yeosang´s company because he doesn´t get all the alpha crap and Yeosang´s scent isn´t as heavy as other alpha´s so it is extremely calming, almost as calming as that of an beta, but those scents are like a sleeping drug.  
“Ehm” Yeosang looks up as San makes a noise and he quickly analyze the outfit.  
“So when do you want me to call the mortician?” Yeosang asks and San´s eyes widens.  
“Is it that bad?” San asks, looking at himself in the mirror.  
San is wearing a pair of TIGHT black leather jeans, a belt, and a soft flowy red silk shirt.   
“On the contrary you look gorgeous” Yeosang says and San blushes.  
“Thank you” San says smiling, scratching the back of his neck.  
“That outfit with either the black, gold or red lingerie will be the course of three murders” Yeosang says and San laughs.  
“Stop it!” San says and Yeosang just laughs.  
“I mean it San, it is different from what you usually wears but you look gorgeous” Yeosang says and San hums.  
“I was thinking about wearing it on Friday…” San says and Yeosang eyes him.  
“I mean you could totally get laid in that outfit if you wanted to, one would have to be a blind, senseless and a fool to deny you” Yeosang says.  
“Well I, well I wouldn´t want my first time to be when I´m drunk” San says.  
“True, but Mingi would be sober” Yeosang says.  
“Yeah he never drinks” San says and Yeosang shakes his head in agreement.  
The two goes through the rest of San´s things, San showing off his clothes, some shoes, accessories and stuff that he brought while Yeosang compliments him.   
\--  
San looks nervous as Wooyoung, sitting on the floor doing some homework, Yunho laying across the couch while reading some homework and Mingi sitting at a table doing homework.  
“Ehm, I, can I talk to you…in my room…all three of you?” San asks, fumbling with the hem of his shirt, his tail wrapped around his thigh and ears laying flat on his head.  
“Sure” Yunho says, all three of them following San into his room.  
San sits down in a chair while the three sits down on his bed, trying to get comfortable.  
“So I would like to apologies to the three of you. I know I haven´t really been open and I also know that it can sometimes be hard to nabigate through my emotions and stuff. I feel really horrible for what I did to the three of you on the night of the full moon, but also in general. Neither one of you deserve to ever be told what I did and it is obviously something that shouldn´t be taken lightly… I know what I did wasn´t acceptable and I´m not trying to make excuse for what I did, but I do want to explain why I did what I did, even when it wasn´t okay. I….. I really do struggle with feeling comfortable enough to show my body to others, but also to be in relationships, because my body and I have been made fun of. It has been made as if it would be the worst punishment to date me, a joke, something so disgusting that it could only be taken as a joke and made fun of. I struggled a lot with it and I do think that, experiencing the things I have, especially hen living on the street, made it hard for me to trust other people with my body, because there is always that thought in the back of my mind, that people are just going to laugh and call it disgusting and tell other people how horrible I was. I know I can trust you, because you are someone whom I would trust with my life, but I just don´t know how to be comfortable with sex when I have always been treated as something disgusting. I don´t want to force my insecurities on you because I know that is not healthy. When I reacted as I did, I let out my insecurities and past traumas out on you and that was something I did not want to do, never. I will not justify what I did, but I will say that I am truly sorry for what I did. It wasn´t a healthy thing to do and it showed that I still lack understanding for how relationships work, which is stupid since I preach healthy relationships on my page, but I didn’t communicate with you three and I should have.” San says tears in his eyes as he talks.   
“I accept your apology. We, I wasn´t in the right state of mind doing the full moon and out pheromones and wolves could understandably have frightened you. I appreciate you talking to us, because it wasn´t an pleasant experience for either of us. I think, I don´t want you to feel like you have to have sex with us to be in a relationship with us. I won´t be pissed and I won´t love you any less if you aren´t ready nor don´t want to have sex, I would be honored to be with you, but I love you for who you are, not just for the sex… that we haven´t had or doesn´t have” Yunho says and San sniffles nodding.  
“I agree with Yunho. I understand where you are coming from and I am truly proud that you are opening up to us, it takes a lot of bravery to do so, especially with something like this. What happened happened and we were all in the wrong on that night, but San, I would never blame you nor stop loving you, because you don´t feel like having sex. Yes sex is enjoyable for some, but it is not for everyone. I’m not saying you are ace, but if you are, I would accept that too, we will just have to figure it out.” Mingi says.  
Wooyoung sits silently between the two, trying to figure out how to say the things he wants to say and make sure that they come out right.  
“Thank you” San says.  
“I was hurt, to be honest, I really was. Does it make me love you any less? No, but it did hurt a lot, especially because I wanted to hug you and be close with you and you pushed me away and accused me of wanting to rape you. I know you have your insecurities and I truly do want to accept them, but I also need to know that you will communicate with me and the others in the future, because I don´t want to push one of your boundaries and I certainly do not want to be the cause of your discomfort. I know I am a very sexually active person and I am very open about it, so I could also have reached out and talked to you about it more, so that you knew, that I didn´t and do not expect you to do something that you aren´t comfortable with, but for me to feel safe, then I need to know that you wont do something like that in the future.” Wooyoung says and San nods.  
“I… I can´t make a 100% promise that I will not do something stupid, but I promise you Woo, that I will not accuse you of something like that again, because that was in no way okay and I do regret it” San says and Wooyoung nods, standing up to go over and hug San.  
“I really do you Woo and I´m so, so sorry” San says crying and Wooyoung hums, hugging San close and releasing calming pheromones.   
“I do want to have sex with you, but I mean you are all so incredible and I´m not sure how to do it” San says and Wooyoung lifts San over to the bed with him and over to the other two.  
“No one can be pro right of the bat” Yunho says.  
“Well” Wooyoung says and Mingi slaps him.  
“There isn´t a one-way fits all when it comes to sex. Just take the three of us. We have different preferences and different experiences. Mingi hates pain, one slap with a whip and he will beat the shit out of you. Wooyoung on the other hand is a total slut for pain while I enjoy both. We all had our experiences and we weren´t perfect from the get-go, we have learned different things here and there, but there is still room to improve and experience new things with new people” Yunho says.  
“Hmmm. Sex is really trial and error and a lot of practice and you can only get better by trying really. I´m not saying you should throw yourself straight into some hardcore bdsm shit, though those two would probably be ecstatic to show you that would. If you want we could start out slow, like cuddling naked, taking showers together, sleeping together, so that you could get closer to our bodies and more comfortable with us as you get to know us” Mingi says.  
“I´m hooked on naked cuddling” Wooyoung says and Yunho shakes his head, but totally agrees with him.   
“Thank you, I would like that” San says and the three nods.  
“I would love it” Wooyoung says and San blushes.  
San kisses Woooyoung, the two slowly kissing mending the hurt and self-consciousness they had both felt. The two loves each other dearly, they have a special spot in each other’s hearts, and they trust each other, so having talked and now being close and kissing each other, removes a huge weight from both of their shoulders. San and Wooyoung pulls back and San kisses Yunho while Wooyoung starts kissing Mingi and the four of them gets comfortable with each other, strengthening their bond.   
“I could really use a shower” San says and three ears perk up and they all turn their attention towards him.   
“You can join…” San says and Yunho practically swings San over his shoulder, the three running towards the bathroom with San swinging back and forth over Yunho´s shoulder, laughing but also turning beet red.  
The four gets undressed, San trying to cover his body a little, he knows he isn´t ugly, far from it, but, its still his naked body, something very personal.  
Mingi takes San hand and San immediately calms down and lets Mingi guide him into the big walk in shower and helps San relax.  
Mingi knows a thing or two about being self-conscious about ones body, he especially felt it after being diagnosed with BDS (Bodily Distress Syndrome) and having to come to terms with feeling pain, with being bloated, unable to workout as much, but he has come to somewhat love himself and feeling comfortable, loved and cared for does help when ones brain sometimes starts to spiral out of control.  
The three runs their hands over San´s body and San has his eyes closed, just taking in the feeling of the other three loving him and their warms hands removing the tension from his body.  
“So beautiful” Yunho says and San opens his eyes and smiles at Yunho who smiles big and warm back.   
San thinks for a moment that he could get used to being touched by them, to be loved by them, because he deserves it, even if he doesn´t always think he does.


End file.
